


center of attention

by tusktooth



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Compliant Through c2e99, Character Study, Gen, Identity Issues, Reunions, mention of canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-22 22:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23334394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tusktooth/pseuds/tusktooth
Summary: When the Mighty Nein travel back through the Shadycreek region, Veth is forced to confront the feeling of being painfully visible when she has to explain her past and her transformation to old friends.
Relationships: Veth Brenatto & Keg, Veth Brenatto & Nila
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32
Collections: Fandom Trumps Hate 2020





	center of attention

**Author's Note:**

> here is my fandom trumps hate fic for ariel! i absolutely loved this prompt and i'm so happy that i got to write it for you!
> 
> [you can find me on tumblr here!](http://twinkfjord.tumblr.com/)

It’s by pure miracle that they actually have some free time after Travelercon and, well, they could be using said time to track down Uk’otoa’s murderous minions but Fjord wanted a break from the sea, understandably so. Instead, they bamfed up to Uthodern via the teleportation circle that Beau spent far to much money on and started to make their way down to the Blooming Grove to check up on its progress and the Clay family themselves.

Sure, it hadn’t been a super long time since they said their goodbyes but it was still worth checking out. After everything they had been through since, they needed a break and this was more productive than chilling in Nicodranas was, as much as Veth would rather stay home with her family while she could.

As it turned out, there had been some progress in reducing the corruption, though she didn’t think it looked all that different from the last time they were here. Maybe the corruption had increased in their absence and the time the Clays spent back home had just undone that corruption. Or maybe she was just bad at noticing these things.

The Clays were surprised to see that Veth looked different from the last time they saw her which was understandable since she was another race entirely. Still, she hated being the center of attention.

Because Veth was a rogue. She was supposed to be invisible, whether she was  _ literally _ invisible or not. The feeling of everyone looking at her, it made her squirm. She remembered when the boys back in Felderwin noticed her too much, particularly everything about her that was different or unusual or, well, ugly. And how they taunted her for it. While these people had offered her nothing but kindness and she knew that they wouldn’t hurt her like those boys had, she couldn’t help but be taken back to those horrible moments in the back of her mind. She wanted to fade into the background just as she always had.

“Hmm, that’s interesting,” Caduceus said, breaking Veth from her thoughts.

“What’s interesting, Caduceus?” Jester asked, still glancing around the beautiful cemetery in awe. Veth forgot that she, Fjord, and Yasha had never been here before.

“There’s another house,” he said. “There, at the edge of the property.”

“Well, yeah, you sent them here,” his brother, Colton, said. “They said you asked them to care for the place when you were away.”

“Oh, shit, Nila and her family,” Beau said. “I completely forgot they were here.”

“Let’s go say hi!” Jester chirped before running off toward the tiny house.

As it turned out, Nila and her family, who had originally only intended to check up on the place from time to time, had decided to move in while the Clays were gone and truly care for the property while taking some time to heal.

“I am very happy to see all of you,” Nila said when she answered the door. “Along with some extras. Are these the ones that were saved from where Kitor and Asar were being held?”

“I’m Jester!” Jester exclaimed, hugging Nila tightly. “Thank you so much for helping to save us. Beau says you can turn into animals and stuff just like our friend, Reani, which is super cool.”

Nila laughed. “There is no need to thank me. I was only doing what is right.”

Fjord settled for shaking her hand. “I am very thankful as well. My name is Fjord.”

“And I’m Yasha,” Yasha said with a nod. “Thank you.”

Nila looked at Veth. “And what about you?”

Her eyes widened. “I-”

Caleb must have noticed her freaking out because he squeezed her shoulder and spoke for her. “This is Veth, but you’ve already met. She was once known as Nott but is no longer.”

She just smiled. “Well, I am very happy to see you again, Veth.”

And then they carried on, talking about the events since the group had left Shadycreek Run. Veth was surprised that Nila hadn’t asked her more about her transformation, pointed out her appearance. After all, everyone else did.

* * *

She ended up approaching Nila about it the next morning. They were all having breakfast and drinking tea while Corrin regaled them with stories of a young Caduceus, who was apparently quite the troublemaker.

Nila sat off to the side, keeping an eye on her son who was currently hitting trees with a stick for who knows what reason.

“What’s he doing?” Veth asked her curiously.

She laughed. “When I told him the story of how we worked together to save him, he was quite taken with Beau. He is pretending that he’s a monk of the Cobalt Soul and that is his staff.”

“That’s pretty cute,” she admitted. “Mine is more taken with the crossbow. He wants to be like me, much to my husband’s dismay. Not that he’s against what I do. He just isn’t the biggest fan of getting shot with rubber crossbow bolts.”

“I did not know you were a mother but I guess it makes a lot of sense,” she said. “You always seemed to care for your friend like one.”

“My son is five,” she told her. “He was born when I looked like this before but when I became a goblin for a while- Well, I didn’t want to scare him. In retrospect, I probably hurt him more by staying away.”

“I have found that mothers will sometimes do irrational things for the sake of their children, no matter the effect,” she said with a small smile. “I know I have done this myself.”

“You didn’t say much when you saw that I had changed,” Veth observed. “And you adjusted to my name pretty quickly.”

Nila only shrugged. “In the soul, you are the same person. Why does it matter how you look or what you call yourself? I have been a horse and a mouse, but being those things never made me a different person on the inside. Besides, I think that the name Veth is beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she said with a smile. “I don’t think anyone else has really understood. I just want to be me peacefully but everyone else always has so many questions.”

“These questions, they are not meant to hurt you,” Nila reminded her.

“But that doesn’t mean that they don’t hurt anyway,” she countered.

She nodded. “That is true. Do you know why we stayed here, Veth?”

“It’s a safer place for your kid?” she guessed.

“Well, that is true but there is more to it,” Nila replied. “My clan, they never truly understood me or the way I used my powers so they gave me tasks that kept me away from everyone else. When I went with you to save my partner and my son, I thought that I would be able to prove that I was powerful and strong to them.”

“Well, I’m sure you did,” Veth replied. “You were amazing back there.”

“I will never know,” she told her with a shake of her head. “We have not returned to the clan. In saving my family, I proved myself to be powerful, yes. But I also realized something. This power is something that has always been within me. It was there before when they rejected me. I am the same person that I always was and that should not be something I need to prove to my own people. Here, I get to live with people who understand my strengths and see value in me, regardless of what feats I have accomplished. First my own family and now the Clay family as well.”

“The Clays are quite kind,” she agreed. “Even if they’re a little weird.”

“I am a little weird also,” she said, laughing slightly. “It is truly a perfect fit.”

“So you’ll stay here? With your son?” she asked.

Nila nodded. “The Clays are happy to have us. They haven’t had a child in the Grove for many years.”

“And how do you know that this is the best thing for him?” she continued. “That he doesn’t belong back with your clan?”

“I do not think you can ever truly know such things,” she replied. “But he seems happier here and he is safer, so I think it has been good. I have been doing better here as well. My happiness is also very important. It affects him, after all.”

Veth thought of her family back in Nicodranas and about what Yeza had said about staying a while. Maybe they shouldn’t go back to Felderwin at all. He was going to find a place for them outside the Lavish Chateau. Perhaps that place should be permanent. That is, permanent once she decides to go home for good, whenever that is.

“Do you think you’ll ever fight again like you did with us?” she asked Nila.

“I do not think that will happen again. Not unless I have no choice,” she answered.

“So you can be here with your family,” she concluded.

“No,” Nila replied. “That is not the reason. At least, not completely.”

“It isn’t?”

“Fighting with you, while it felt great to help people, including those that I love, was merely due to circumstance,” she told her. “Yes, I very much enjoy living a peaceful life here with Kitor and Asar. But that is because this is who I have always been, who I want to be. Helping the Clays to tend to this place, I believe it is my destiny. My powers are more useful here than they have ever been. I cannot help but feel that this is where I am supposed to be.”

“What if I feel that I’m supposed to be with them?” She nodded toward her friends. “Does that make me a bad mother for abandoning my son again, even though I’m myself again?”

“Veth, if you weren’t here with the Mighty Nein, helping your friends achieve greatness, would you really be yourself?” she asked. “While my fate is to be here with my family, your fate is to be with  _ them _ and to do great things in this world. I have known this since we freed all those people together. Your son and your husband must understand this, or they will come to eventually. You have the power and the passion to play a greater world and you cannot pass it up. They will still be there afterward.”

“Thank you, Nila,” she said sincerely. “I needed a conversation like that with another mother, with somebody that understood.”

“You are welcome,” she replied with a smile. “And I hope that when your adventures are finished, you might bring your son here to the Blooming Grove. I think that Asar could use a friend and if your son is anything like you are, then I know he will be a great one.”

“I’ll make sure that happens,” Veth promised.

She looked around at the rest of the Nein, smiling and laughing without a care in the world. These people were her family just as much as Yeza and Luc were. She was honored to work with them and, like Nila said, she wasn’t going anywhere. Not for a long time.

* * *

After leaving the Blooming Grove and saying their goodbyes to the Clays and to Nila and her family, they decided to continue back to Shadycreek Run, no matter the terrible memories the town dredged up. At least now they had a more concrete connection to the Gentleman and, therefore, the Myriad as a whole, which meant that they were less likely to be targeted. Still, they kept their valuables close and slept with one eye open, even inside the hut.

Their goal was simple: investigate the Jagentoth family. They planned to discreetly ask around and see what they could learn about them, other then they were a powerful family of criminals who made their money in smuggling goods and enslaving innocents. And that they worked with awful people like the Iron Shepherds and Avantika.

They had already killed their associates, it was only logical that they would follow it up by killing them as well. But that was a little bit down the line.

The first stage of their plan, after getting some information from local contacts of the Gentleman, was to break into their house and see what other information they could obtain, perhaps steal some magical items and free some slaves in the process. And then they’d use that new information to figure out exactly what they were up against so they can better prepare for the battle, whether that be preparing certain spells or leaving and coming back when they were even stronger.

Unfortunately, things don’t always go to plan. They set off about every magical tripwire that existed on the outskirts of the property, along with some actual tripwires. It was not, by any means, Veth’s finest moment. Not that the rest of the Nein were doing any better.

They didn’t even make it inside the fucking house which means they were putting the Jagentoths on high alert while learning absolutely  _ nothing _ in the process. It was a wonder that none of them got caught or grievously injured.

“We need to get out of here, like  _ now _ ,” Beau said in a hushed voice as they sat around a table in just about the shittiest tavern she had ever been in. “They’re on to us now and we’re outsiders. It’s only so long until they put the pieces together, especially if we’re still hanging around here afterward.”

“But won’t that look more suspicious,” Fjord countered. “I mean, a group of mysterious strangers shows up, someone tries to rob your house, and then said group disappears? They’ll know it was us.”

“Literally anyone would rob anyone in this town,” Veth pointed out. “They had all of that security set up for a reason. They might not think it’s special circumstances at all.”

“I want to leave,” Yasha said without actually looking at anybody. She had been pretty distant ever since they got here. The Jagentoth family was a painful reminder to all of them about what happened to Molly. She imagined it was even more painful for Yasha, who had known him long before the rest of them had met.

“Perhaps we should stay around for just a few days,” Caleb suggested. “Lie low and keep ourselves busy. It will look like we’re just another traveling group of criminals, here on business for the Myriad.”

Someone cleared their throat from behind Fjord, who jumped in his seat. Veth looked up to see the familiar, armor-clad form of a dwarven woman, complete with greasy red hair and five o’clock shadow. At least there wasn’t a cigarette hanging from her mouth this time.

“You all,” Keg said gruffly. “Why are you back here?”

Beau shrugged awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with her. “Business. You know how it is.”

“I’d hate to know what business led you back to this shithole,” she remarked.

“I mean it’s not  _ that _ bad, guys,” Jester said. “I mean, there has to be some good people in this town. And this milk is pretty good!”

“One day, I hope to be as optimistic as you are, Jes,” Beau said. “You truly see the good in everything.”

“Even in this shithole,” Fjord added.

“You three,” Keg said, looking between Jester, Fjord, and Yasha. “I hope you’re doing better than before. And I’m sorry, again, about your friend. Molly was a cool guy.”

Yasha nodded solemnly. “He was my best friend and I miss him every day. But I don’t blame you for what happened. You helped bring his killers to justice.”

Now, Keg fixed her eyes on Veth, glancing down at the star medallion that was weaved into her button necklace. “She gave it to you.”

“Well, actually-” she started, a bit nervously.

“Or did she die and you took it,” she continued. “Without really knowing what any of it means. Nott was my  _ friend _ and I gave that to her.”

“Keg, I  _ am _ Nott,” she burst out. “Well, I go by Veth now, but I was a goblin known as Nott until a few weeks ago.”

“Huh,” Keg said, a mixture of surprise and confusion strewn across her face, and then she went quiet.

Beau forced herself to stand up. “We should, uh, talk about stuff.”

Keg’s head flipped talked her and she nodded. “Um, I guess.”

When they were through the door, Fjord cleared his throat. “Well, that was quite awkward.”

“Reunions,” Caduceus said with a laugh.

Jester tried to stretch so she had a view of them through the tavern’s back window. “What do you think they’re talking about?” she asked quickly.

“When two women like each other very much-” Veth started.

“Keg left pretty suddenly the last time we saw her,” Caleb said. “I think that they simply need to clear the air so things will no longer be awkward going forward.”

“I think I would like to go back to the inn,” Yasha announced, standing up and walking out the front door.

“I will follow her,” Caleb offered. “She should not be alone right now.”

He left enough gold to pay for his and Yasha’s drinks on the table and ran after her. Yasha and Caleb were very different people, and not necessarily the closest, but it was in times of these, times of remembered tragedy, that they were the best people to comfort each other. Kindred spirits connected by trauma.

Jester still seemed a bit distracted, so Veth probed her about her childhood, causing her to break out into a long-winded story about her first time sneaking out of the Lavish Chateau without telling her mother or Bluud where she was going.

It was a good story and an even better distraction and, when Beau and Keg returned just a few minutes later, they were just as invested.

“Wait, Jes, so you’re telling me you were  _ fourteen _ the first time you snuck out?” Beau asked. “And it was to go night-swimming alone?”

“I mean, the water can be quite dangerous,” Veth reasoned.

“You’re biased,” Beau replied. “The water is perfectly safe, whether the sun is up or not.”

“It actually can be dangerous to swim at night, specifically if you’re alone,” Fjord said. “It’s much easier to lose your bearing when it’s dark and, if you were to get caught in a rip current or something, there wouldn’t be anyone to help you.”

“Fjord, you worry about everything,” Jester said with a roll of her eyes. “I was fine. The Traveler was with me!”

“Somehow that doesn’t comfort me much,” Beau replied.

“Hey, Nott,” Keg said, nudging her slightly. “I was actually wondering if you wanted to talk too.”

“It’s Veth,” she corrected. “And sure.”

Together they walked out of the tavern, mostly unnoticed by the others as they were still enthralled in Jester’s story.

“So,” Keg said, once they were alone in the side alley. “What happened with all this?” She gestured at Veth’s halfling form.

She shrugged, a bit uncomfortably. “I’m me again. I was cursed and changed into a goblin, and now I’m a halfling like I was before. It’s kind of complicated but Caleb and I had to work on creating an entire spell.”

“Shit,” she said. “Wow. I didn’t even know that was possible. Like, maybe for the gods, but not for actual people.”

“Well, Caleb is a pretty smart guy,” she pointed out.

“Yeah, I got that impression.”

After a moment of silence, Veth raised an eyebrow. “So, is that all?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to say,” she paused to take a deep breath. “You’re really pretty, Nott. And I’m not usually into more girly types. Not that you’re super girly but like, you’re no Beau. And I’m happy you aren’t a goblin anymore because that must have been hard.”

“Are you flirting with me?” she asked with wide eyes. “Or at least attempting to? Because, I’ll have you know, I’m married.”

“I- no. I just think you’re pretty,” Keg replied. “I don’t want to get between you and Caleb or-”

“ _ Caleb?! _ ” she shouted.

“Wait, who did you marry?” she asked.

“My husband, who I’ve been married to for years. As in, before I was a goblin,” she told her. “He lives in Nicodranas with my son.”

“Oh,” she said, confused. “Congratulations, I guess. Even though it was a long time ago.”

“This conversation is a mess,” she stated.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but talking isn’t exactly my strong suit,” Keg said. “I’m much better with hitting stuff.”

“Me too,” she said with a sigh. “Except with shooting things.”

“It is good to see you, Nott,” she continued.

“ _ Veth _ ,” she emphasized. “I’d like you to call me Veth. Nott the Brave was a name that I chose for myself when I hated who I was, not only because I was a goblin, but because I was a coward and I thought it was ironic. It’s also an anagram of my full name but that’s only part of why I chose it.”

“What is your full name?” she asked.

“Veth Brenatto.”

“Well, Veth, you have a very pretty name,” Keg said. “I’ll try my best to use it in the future and I’m sorry in advance if I forget to. Fuck, I should buy you a drink as an apology something more special than whatever you keep in that flask.”

“I actually don’t drink anymore,” she replied. “I gave the flask to Yasha but she doesn’t use it much.”

“You stopped drinking?” she asked. “Shit, you really have changed.”

“I’m a different race and go by a different name and it was the drinking that clued you in?” she teased.

“Can I ask why you stopped?” asked Keg. “Not that it’s really any of my business. I’m just curious.”

“It got out of hand,” she said. “I was relying on booze to get me through everything, from going for a swim to fighting monsters that could actually kill me more easily when I’m drunk, all just because I was scared. I mean, someday I’ll have to go home and just be a mother again and I can’t be setting that example for my son.”

“And how do you stick to it? Like, you were just sitting in a tavern with your friends. How do you resist buying a drink?”

“They hold me accountable,” she told her. “I mean, I told Yasha she could punch me if I took a drink and you’ve seen her arms! But also they help me with it just by being there. I don’t need alcohol to protect me when I know that I have them. Sometimes it’s hard still but I make it through.”

“I’ve been trying to stop smoking,” Keg confessed. “I got sick a few weeks ago and it was really bad because I could barely breathe. And the people I was staying with at the time, they got sick too, but it wasn’t nearly as bad. I guess I realized that it was because I smoked. And, like, I can’t fight if I’m going to get winded all the time so I decided I had to stop.”

“That’s good,” Veth said with a nod. “Sometimes you need to make a change and get the bad things out of your life.”

“The only problem is that this is my third time quitting,” she told her. “And it’s never lasted longer than like three days before I crack and go out and buy more. I mean, this is Shadycreek. Literally anyone would sell you cigarettes. I wish I had somebody to hold me accountable like you do but I only really have begrudging allies here. Not friends.”

“Then leave,” she suggested. “Go out into the woods where there are no cigarettes and tough it out until you don’t feel the urge anymore. Or, better yet, go to some other town and find some friends. You know, the people of Zadash are pretty cool.”

She shook her head. “There’s too much work to do here. As long as there are still slavers in Shadycreek Run, my work here won’t be over. I need to stop them and prevent what happened to your friends from happening to anyone else. I mean I was one of the Iron Shepherds once. I worked with them. I need to make up for that somehow and taking them out just wasn’t enough.”

“I mean taking a break and getting better doesn’t mean abandoning your goals forever,” she pointed out. “You said it yourself: if you keep smoking then you won’t be able to fight as you get older because you won’t be able to breathe long enough to do it. Taking a brief break to get yourself together only makes it more likely that you’ll be able to help people for even longer.”

“But who will take down the monsters of the town?”

“There are probably some other people like you that want to bring some good to this shithole,” she said. “And, if not, it’s not like it can get much worse than it already is while you’re gone. Besides, if you make friends while you’re away, then they’ll be able to help you.”

“Why are you guys here anyway?” she asked. “I never got a straight answer.”

“Same as you. We wanted to rid the town of slavers,” Veth explained in a more hushed tone. “We tried to break into the Jagentoth’s place but we weren’t able to get inside.”

Keg’s eyes blew wide open. “Well, yeah. You can’t start at the top for these sorts of things. You have to take down the weaker links first to start actually breaking them apart.”

“We’re not really good at starting small,” Veth told her. “So far it’s worked out for us pretty well more often than not. Sometimes there are consequences, like when Fjord died a few weeks ago.”

“Or Molly,” she reminded her.

“Yeah, but Jester and Caduceus can bring people back from the dead now,” she said. “The stakes aren’t as high as it was when we lost him.”

“Well, regardless, I don’t know why you didn’t ask me about this,” she said. “Since I literally live here, worked with the Iron Shepherds before we took them down, and have been investigating and hunting these assholes since we went our separate ways.”

“I don’t think Jester knew you well enough to send you a message,” she told her. “I guess Caduceus could have but he doesn’t usually have it prepared. Besides, we have connections of our own this time around. I mean, technically they’re the same connections that we had before, but they’re a lot stronger now.”

“What kind of connections?” she asked.

“Jester’s dad is a powerful guy in the Myriad,” Veth explained. “We knew him before but it’s only recently that we learned he was her father.”

“Holy shit,” she replied. “How much have I missed since I saw you guys?”

“Kind of a lot. We move pretty fast,” she told her. “Let me see: we’re good friends with a war criminal, we initialized peace between the Empire and the Dynasty, saving countless lives, we uncovered the body of an ancient mage that is technically alive within this extraplanar castle thing called the Happy Fun Ball, specifically inside the mouth of an enormous monster chilling in the astral plane. Yasha was evil for a bit but it was because a devil dude was controlling her mind so we saved her and stopped them from releasing one of the betrayer gods. Yeah, a lot  _ has  _ happened.”

“I don’t even know what half those words mean,” Keg said in amazement. “Remind me to adventure with you guys again some time. Or alternatively to never do it again because that shit sounds fucking deadly.”

She shrugged. “A few of us have died but we’re fine.”

“Are you guys still going to continue with this Jagentoth thread?” she asked.

“Nah,” she replied. “We’re going to leave and come back later. Too many eyes on us right now. We have other stuff that needs to get done as well. Fjord’s former warlock patron, an evil sea snake thing, sent people to kill him, so we should probably prioritize stopping whatever that is.”

“Shit, yeah. That sounds pretty important,” she agreed.

“Eventually, when we’re back here to continue this, I’ll make sure Jester sends you a message,” Veth promised her. “You probably know a lot more about this than us and you’re a really good fighter.”

“I’ll keep looking into it while you’re gone,” she promised. “Even if I do have to take a break from it first.”

“Well, I should get going, but I’m happy that I got to see you again N- er, Veth,” she said.

“I’m happy I got to see you too, Keg.”

* * *

“How are you doing?” Caleb asked Veth as they sat together in their room the following morning after the others had gone down for breakfast.

“Fine. Why are you asking  _ me _ that?” she replied. “Yasha is the one that’s having the most trouble right now with all the Molly stuff being dredged back up again combined with her memory of being fucking  _ enslaved _ here.”

“It is not a competition,” he reminded her. “Just because she isn’t okay doesn’t mean that you are not suffering as well.”

“I’m not suffering,” she told him.

He didn’t look convinced. “Veth, I know that you do not like to be noticed. I’m sure seeing all these people that knew you as Nott wasn’t easy.”

“You’re right, I don’t like to be noticed. But I  _ am _ doing alright,” she told him. “I was able to talk to both Nila and Keg about it, though Nila hadn’t really cared much at all. I feel much better now. I’ll always stand out with our former acquaintances because of my transformation, but I stood out before as a goblin. In the end, I’m the same person I was before and, if they care, then they’ll be able to deal with it. If they can’t? Then, fuck them.”

Caleb laughed. “Fuck them indeed.”

“I don’t need people who don’t see me as I am in my life,” she told him. “I already have plenty that do because I have my family, not just Yeza and Luc, but you and the rest of the Nein too. And outside of that, I have real friends like Keg and Nila. I’m fine with being seen as long as I’m actually the person that they see.”


End file.
